Monday, October 23, 2006

Two posts today - I thought I would share my favourite poem

This poem has lived on every fridge in every home I have had for many, many years. It is a powerful poem, it struck me in many ways and everytime I read it I feel better. I thought I'd share:

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (A Native American Elder)

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking the fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened up by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let ecstacy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can betray another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not a pretty day.

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't matter who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Can you?

I Wish I Had Never Met You.

I Wish I had Never Met You. I guess that line has been hurled at as many people as have been told the lie, "I love you."

You know that ridiculously sweet song that Garth Brooks wrote - "The Dance" where he basically says that he could have missed the pain, but then he'd have had to miss the dance.

Total bullshit.

Among other things ... work and some other annoying life things ..... someone I care very much about hit me with the biggest Mack Truck they could find and then forgot to turn around and apologize. I suspect that if given a chance this person would throw it into reverse and run me over again. Just because it is possible to do so. I suspect I've become an easy target.

Why do people treat each other the way they do? I used to be this ball of fire that fought any fight that came my way. I decided years ago that that wasn't working for me and decided that I needed to make some changes. I decided that more flies with honey... or some such other crap... and I have tried to lead my life trying to be as good as possible to the people around me (sadly, i'm not always successful, lets just say I'm a work in progress). I would never want to do or say something horrible to someone I care about and then have that be the last thing that is said or done to them by me. I just wish that certain people in my life felt the same way.

Maybe its time to cut the worst offender loose? Does unconditional love only go so far?

Today I am feeling like maybe I have taken the idea of 'forgiveness' and 'unconditional love' a little too far and have not looked after myself properly. *Thanks for that lesson.* I kept thinking if you work hard, be there for the people you love, try not to judge too much, love fiercely, protect the ones you love as much as you can and forgive the people around you for their mistakes (they are only human, as you are - and you want to be forgiven for your mistakes) that not only will you be able to wake up every morning and like what you see in the mirror but that people will treat you with the same kind of respect. Um, not so much.

Today I am feeling walked on. And disappointed. And not quite sure what to do with that. *Again, thanks for that lesson.*

PS. Thank you to Mom and Mandy for taking my miserable butt out on Sunday. I needed it. Thank goodness for family that are willing to put up with a grumpy girl.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Naked Neighbour!

The door next to me clicks open Monday night... my new neighbour, Clem, is peeking his head out the door. Cute guy ladies, blond hair, devilish smile ... anyways ... half his body is hidden behind the door and the other half is out and obviously NAKED...

"Hey Neighbour". "Oh, hey Clem... thanks for cleaning the foyer, it looks awesome!... I'd come check out what you've done with the place... but um ... you dont seem to have any clothes on!" "Ok, Kell, maybe some other time."

Note: This post is intended to encourage my girlfriends to visit me more often... enticing them with man eye candy!!!! Clem is the one with the white hat.... and remember Darren? He is the one on the right in the blue shirt... really have absolutely no idea who the other guys is!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I'm PERFECT the way I am?!?!?

So it’s the eve of my 37th Birthday! Now I’m not one of those women who worries about her age or getting older too much… Of course, I’d like everything on my body to be where it was ten years ago, but whatever. What my birthday does bring around is the question of “What has changed since last year?” Am I in a rut, have any of my goals been met? Am I happy? Do I have new goals, ideas, ambitions???? Am I a better person than I was last year at this time? Have I been more patient, have I loved my family and friends and been there for them? Lots of things pop into my head. I guess most people do this at New Years, but for me the birthday has usually spurred me into making changes. I’m going to think about this over the next few days and come up with a list. Or maybe I’ll just figure out that I am perfect the way I am! =)