Wednesday, February 28, 2007
I had an interesting question on my blog from Marfsbaby, a.k.a. Jasmine. When I posted my 4 a.m. blog she asked me if the hand on someone’s stomach thing was real or a nice day dream.
While I admit I frequently have x-rated daydreams – don’t snicker – you all do … I have also had my hands on some beautiful stomachs in my lifetime. I have been blessed that way. =)
For some reason I did not want to post my answer on nerdgirlsspace. And I’m not entirely sure why. I am not overly secretive - I think that ship sailed when I started this whole blog thing. I have talked about my daughter, friends, family, life, sex, dating, hurts, pains and happiness. I have talked about my numerous flaws, hopes, dreams and desires.
What I have not talked about is me having sex or my dates.
Well, I’m not a monk. I do date. I like to date. I actually find dating kind of fun. I know most of you would rather stick a fork in your eye than date, but I actually enjoy it and am thankful for every person that has crossed my path. Good or bad, they have changed me, or at the very least, taught me something.
Part of the reason I don’t write about it is because dating and/or being in a relationship hasn’t been my focus this year. I had someone special in my life for a few months last year and we split in August. Since then I have concentrated on me. I wanted to date, but my goal was to meet new people doing things that were outside of my comfortable little world. People that would challenge me and my ideas, I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to find new volunteer opportunities, spend time with my daughter, my friends and my family. And I have done all this. I have grown so much in this time and have met some amazing people.
This is not to say that if ‘the one’ fell into my lap that I wouldn’t be thanking whatever twist of fate put her there … I would definitely accept that opportunity with open arms!
BUT… I. WANT. IT. ALL.
Really. All of it.
I want to love and be loved. I want the butterflies in my stomach to go insane when I see her name pop up on email. I've had this and felt this and need this. I want my knees to go weak when she walks into a room. I want to feel this way even when she has let me down, I want her to feel this way even when I have let her down. And I will. Let her down I mean. I could not be more human and flawed. I am stubborn. I usually come around but she will need some patience waiting for that to happen … I want to be able to give my love unconditionally and I want to be loved unconditionally. I want what the couple at the Habitat build site had. Silent understanding. I want to sit in a quiet room reading and be happy that she is doing whatever it is she is doing. I want to feel secure enough that I push her to follow her dreams. I want to be free but not free. I want to feel like the most important creature on earth to her. I want to challenge her, I want her to challenge me. I want to want to be a better person because of her. And if this phenom falls in my lap and gives this all to me, I will give these things back ten times over. I am in no hurry to find this and not afraid of being alone. I just want it to be right.
Asking a little too much maybe? Possibly. Probably.
So blogging friends, fans and whoever else is reading this.... The minute she finds me and assures me she can put up with me for the long haul - you will be the first to know!
Text from the daughter this morning:
"Just wanted you to know I appreciate everything you have been doing for me. I understand parts of it are hard and I am very grateful."
*Sigh* She understands. I love her so very much. Almost makes me want another one. =)
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
No one showed up to kiss me on the forehead, throw me over their shoulder and whisk me away for the day ...
Really - does that ever happen? Ever since I saw the movie "An Officer and a Gentleman" my silly-assed girly brain thinks there is a possibilty it could happen! I am a HOPELESS romantic.
All is not lost. I had a great day.
Skipped my McGriddles this morning and had Hershey Kisses for breakfast. Felt that luscious feeling of a 'sugar high' by 9:30 then became concerned about 'coming down'.
Suggestion from co-worker - eat Hershey Kisses all day long. Done! Have had about 20 of them! =) Did you know Hershey makes peanut butter kisses now? BRILLIANT!
Had a great walk with a great friend at lunch. Good conversation. A beautiful city. Nice.
Was invited to watch Grey's Anatomy and to dinner Thursday night. Have been promised a home cooked German meal. Yum! Thank you for the invite, I am so looking forward to this.
Received an awesome compliment from my boss.
All in all, not a bad day.
I'm out of here soon so:
I wish you all hugs, kisses and/or dirty stuff tonite.
ps My friend Finn - (check out her blog) is going through some boy stuff... send her some encouragement ...
*Someone* drives to my office, goes up the elevator, walks past reception, finds me at my desk, gives me a kiss on my forehead, turns to my boss and says "she's needed elsewhere today..."
Because it is just way to beautiful outside to be sitting at my desk today.
*sigh* I'll just be sitting here waiting.... =)
Monday, February 26, 2007
Everything feels so much more intense at 4 a.m. If you lay your head on your pillow at night and are feeling lonely, sad, excited, angry, worried, or ??? - and you happen to wake at 4 a.m. - whatever you were feeling when you first lay your head down will feel utterly unmanageable at 4:00 a.m.
The kind of unmanageable that drives you to stand outside in the snow or pouring rain with a cigarette in hand…
the one fun exception:
4 a.m. and your libido.
You never want the person beside you more than when you wake up at 4 a.m.
You could have fallen asleep perfectly content to have your hand on your paramour’s stomach – but when you wake at 4 a.m. the skin on one’s stomach just does not cut it.
But maybe that’s just me? =)
Sunday, February 25, 2007
I used one of my vacation days on Friday as a 'me' day. I had planned on watching Ellen, running some errands, doing housework and preparing for a busy weekend. I was marvelously sidetracked by *insert name here*. I am reluctant to use her name as I cannot see her being the type of woman who wants people reading about her on the world wide web ... =) This is tough for me because *insert name here* and the rest of the she-village I am lucky to be surrounded with would be way more interesting to write about than little old me. The characters in my life have stories and lives that are worth spending an afternoon writing about. Since I started writing this blog last summer everytime I find myself laughing out loud while sharing the company of one one of my loved ones it takes everything I have not to listen to the voices in my head (no, the other ones) that yell out "blog idea", "blog idea"...
Lunch on 4th Avenue at Hells Kitchen, a slow walk up 4th and a movie at the 5th Avenue cinemas. It was a tremendous afternoon of doing nothing. I apologize AGAIN for the choice in movie. Do not see Notes on a Scandal. The ick factor of this story line was only outdone by the creepy factor. Even the hotness of Cate Blanchett cannot wash off the dirty feeling you get from watching Judi Dench be the person she is in this film!
I do not recommend this movie: http://www.foxsearchlight.com/NOAS/
I definitely recommend this eatery: http://www.hells-kitchen.ca/
Backpack packed, workboots on and off to the Habitat for Humanity build site. Not one minute of this day was what I expected. I do not enjoy the manual labour type jobs around the house. I have an Ikea dresser sitting in my hallway that I would sooner through through a window than put together. I use a mug for a hammer and a knife for a screwdriver. And this has worked just fine for me, thank you very much. But truth be told - I can put it together mysef - I just dont want to. Simple as that. My mom and dad were the type of parents that made sure that we were self sufficient women who could do things ourselves. I can do it, I just dont want to! If it was Megan's dresser or someone else needed it put together it would be done, but for some reason I just want someone else to do the dresser for me. =) Lame. I know. But there it is.
Yesterday I used a hammer, two different kinds of saws, a belt sander, a level and some really stinky glue. I measured out, cut the wood and built shelves for all the closets in one of the townhouses. I helped fit and instal a counter and bolted a vanity to the wall. Apparently I can do just about anything! =))))) I am a catch! =) A slight pain in the ass, but a catch nonetheless. =)
I lucked out. I was paired up with a man that works as a carpenter for the Vancouver School Board. He reminded me of my ex Devin. He had these slow movements, kind eyes and an unwaivering patience. Because of him I experienced more yesterday than I think I would have had he not been there. He pushed me to learn to use the tools he was using myself and encouraged me to try things that were outside my comfort level. He would have accomplished a lot more without me but kept me as his sidekick for the day and encouraged me to learn and do everything he was doing. Thank you for that.
I also ran into an elementary school friend on the site - she grew up on my street. It is a small, small world! Mom - you would remember her. Elisabeth Stitch. She is a single mom who works full time and spends almost every Saturday on the site. Can you feel my admiration??
Then the couple - my guess is that they are in their seventies. They worked alongside one another painting all day. It made me feel all mushy inside to watch them. They had that easy way about them that couples who spend a lifetime together possess. Silent understanding. *sigh*
Anyways, I should go. I have so much to do today. I should probably get on it.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
First of all, as you can see below, in pictures no less, I was looking forward to my Grey's Anatomy (and Ugly Betty) night. Um hello, stoopid. Yesterday was Wednesday, which means TODAY is Thursday (Grey's Anatomy night) and that means today is not Friday (obviously) ... you get the picture ...
This was yesterday's plan. Woke up in the morning. Got excited when I saw an overdue movie sitting on my speaker. Why you ask? The cute boy that owns the neighbourhood Indie movie store.
... I'll take the movie to work, go home the Main Street way so that I can return my movie and have him 'help' me find another one. And yes, I CAN flirt. =) I just look and act stupid doing it. I'm sure he hasn't noticed that I've rented every season of the LWord (twice!).
Ok, I know what you're thinking... cute guy that owns the store... well, yes it can happen... every once in awhile a cute guy catches my eye... its more about the 'nice' guy factor in him ... anyways, Jen, maybe you should meet him???? Anyways, moving on ... I get there, full flirt on and in the ready, new glasses, lipglossed and he was ... not ... there. Ugh. I am so glad I didn't waste a spritz of my MAC perfume for the occasion!
Almost kept the movie another night. But I'm not quite that much of a loser yet.
Not all is lost. Grey's ANATOMY!
I get home, have a shower, get the jammies on, get some toast and Cheerios, watch Coronation Street (I saw that eye roll!) and get all settled in to see that dumb blond girl (or Dr. Grey) somebody... anybody finally die on Grey's Anatomy ...
WHY WHY WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME YESTERDAY WAS WEDNESDAY WHEN I WROTE THAT POST BELOW?
Sad, sad evening for Kelly. Did laundry and fell asleep. Had some VERY odd dreams: One about Aloe Vera plants and one about Chico's friend Cindy's sister Sabrina ... and no, the two dreams were unrelated... =)
SOLUTION TO IT ALL:
I have decided to beg the wonderful lawyers I work for to let me take one of my holiday days from LAST year tomorrow (I really should get out of the country more - or at least the province) and will spend the day tomorrow stalking the movie store owner.
Ha, just kidding. It will be a 'me' day if I can get it:
Visit my eyebrow wax girl.
Have a nice brunch somewhere.
Go for a run and maybe the gym.
Eat bonbons and watch Ellen.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Some other things today:
I'm in my new glasses today - FINALLY. These glasses even make the shiner look good! Defintely worth the bucketload of money I spent on them.
Grey's Anatomy tonite. If someone doesn't die tonite I'm done with the show. They have been promising for two whole episodes. And it had better not be the hot redhead or Cali. Because then life wouldn't be worth living... I could live without the ditzy blond or Doctor Grey though.
Three more sleeps until the Habitat for Humanity build site experience! Yippee! Which means three more sleeps until I get to wear my new workboats (so cute!) and thank you very much Chico.NOTE TO JEN - 25cent peep shows! We gotta talk girl... I suspect there may be about fifteen more layers to lovely lana that we are all dying to learn about! =)
Bye all - have a good day.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I cannot write anything sane right now because I am too busy being:
Monday, February 19, 2007
Some things I learned this weekend:
- Do not go out of the house without your signature scent in your purse... you will never know when you will have a panic attack because you really needed it. (In case you were wondering why I smell so good - the MAC vanilla and sandlewood.)
- Nobody really believes you when you tell them you have a shiner because you hit your face on a table.
- I thought many times, and wrote about it in my blog that I am a loser. But really I am an unrealistic idiot. =)
- Apparently when the occasion calls for it I can be extremely girly, giggly, fidgety, and loserish. I also have a friend who is honest enough to tell me so in the hopes that it will stop. Nope.
- I cant drink.
- I really cant drink.
- But I can barf.
- I can really barf.
- Dennys breakfast wants to come back up.
- Harvey's Hamburgers and white cake and icing from IGA solves it all.
- Jen is popular with the boys at the bar even with no makeup, hair in a ponytail and lycra on!
- She will also play fun junior high school games.
- You can buy stripper shoes with a slot in the heel to put money in. Handy.
- The movie "Mean Girls" is surprisingly entertaining.
- Tina Fey is kind of hot.
- Steel toe boots for the Habitat build - VERY hot. (Thank you Chico for those!)
- Pretty girls on 4th avenue will still smile at me when I am hung over. (likely out of pity, but I'll take it.)
Friday, February 16, 2007
I say to him - no regrets! =)
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
To all you women out there that are thinking "oh my gosh, he got me flowers and chocolates and rose petals on the floor, and a Celine Dion Cd, and Lingerie and a puppy, and Diamond Earings...ooooh tonight is gonna be all about meeeeeeeeee '!!! "squeak"...guesss what ??? What Chico????...if you get anything on Valentines Day it does not mean you are special at all. All it means is that the social and emotional pressure , and possible threat of physical danger has made your guy buy you something today. If he does something like this on May 18th, or some innocuous date like that then my lady you are special. Getting something today, a Hallmark holiday, means you are as special as the other 1 Billion woment that got something today. Congratulations, your guy is a conformist.
Okay now on to something completley different. Here on Valentines Day I thought I would share three of my favourite descriptions of spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends/people in general....some may have possibly been used by me....
he/she looks like
90 pounds of soggy dogshit in a 80 pound bag
the human equivalent of a visible panty line
a chimp that's been thrown into a suit and strategically shaved....
that's it... nothing to do with Valentines day....and no Bigglesworth, none of those apply to you ;-)
Ok, to wrap it up.... for all you single people out there on Valentines day...keep your chin up. dress up, go out,get drunk and have a great time. Guys..if you see women on their own tonight, please do not try to pick them up, believe me, they do not want to talk to you. They are content drinking tequila and blathering about how much men suck. Steer clear unless you want a trip to Pepper Spray Land. Other than that no rules apply, dress your pets up in Lingerie and take pictures..... Happy VD and always remember......ummmm, I forget....
peace,love and balance
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
omnipresent(ly) /present everywhere at the same time: the omnipresent God.
malapropism / a malapropism is an incorrect usage of a word by substituting a similar-sounding word with different meaning, usually with comic effect.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Did I really need a steak sandwich, french fries, creme brulee cheesecake and a MIMOSA for lunch on a weekday???
1. Pompous judgmental assholes can sometimes say the right thing.
He should have stopped talking there. Turned back into pompous, judgmental asshole in the very next sentence.
2. Steak sandwich, french fries, crème brulee cheesecake and a mimosa are NOT a good idea for a mid-week lunch …
Tried it this morning on the bus ride to skytrain.
ASTRONAUT UNDERWEAR - WHO KNEW!?
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Ok, those of you who know me know I am not a big makeup girl. Wont spend a lot of money on it and anything good I own (like the MAC) was bought by my mom or my sis. Actually, come to think of it all my favourite work clothes were presents from them too. Hm. I am seeing a pattern. OMG! My favourite coat and bag too (Lululemon –thanks Mandy and Mom!)…
anyways, not the point…
This is it.
This is the product. Revlon “Just Bitten”.
Lip stain. It makes my lips look like the colour I should have been born with! Nice. Very nice. Actually it is kind of like the colour your lips go when you drink red wine but without the annoying teeth stains!
And if anyone is interested (pretty girls on buses) … it tastes like berries! =)
When my mom showed up at the house she brought with her a photo album she had created. She had gone through all her old photos and made an album for my sister and I (one for each of us). My dad died when he was 41 so this was hard task for my mom. She is now remarried to a great guy (almost five years!) and they are doing the happily ever after thing … =)
Anyways, the album. It has pictures of me when I was little, my mom when she was little, my dad, grandparents, sister, stepfather, stepbrother and all our friends along the way. She had kept old figure skating photos of me, race day pictures of my dad (he raced drag boats!), pictures of me sitting on my Papa’s lap as a young girl, pictures of me bathing with the dogs (!well yuck!) and pictures of my Nana as a beautiful twenty-something gal… everything you could think of… including some bad perm pictures that we could have done without saving!
In the album Mom included a photo of the two of us. Mom would have been about 21 or 22 and she was holding me in her arms. She looked like a baby herself. She actually looked like an innocent Marilyn Monroe! Across the page there is a picture of me and Megan together. I must have been about 21 or 22 also. I look like a baby too. We were both young mothers. We have followed a similar path being that my mom was born in 49, I was born in 69 and my beautiful daughter was born in 89.
NOTE TO MEG – not a chance you are making me a grandma in 09 little lady!!! =)
Anyways, thanks mom!
Friday, February 02, 2007
Neverending White Lights
This collection is absolutely AMAZING! It is a compilation like no other I've ever heard. The CD is an incredible story. Buy the cd, read the jacket.
"The Grace" Video:
"The Grace" Lyrics:
In better days I've been known to listen
I go to waste all my time is missing
I'm mapping out my ending, It's never gonna happen now
These things are condescending
With everybody backing down
You pray to stars that can help you get by
And all at once you forget to try
I'd go there if you let me,
They're never gonna find me now
My life is always empty
And in and out of doubt
Your not coming back for me, these things they will never be
I'm so used to being wrong, so put me where I belong…belong
I get back to you, God knows I try, But I still lose
And I get back to you, These days run by, But I still lose
Angels say they can make you suffer
They give and take like a vicious lover
When all this loses meaning, You'll never want it back somehow
Awake but still I'm dreaming
And never waking up
Alone, where I'm not alone
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Have a great day. It is beautiful out there.
PS - my beautiful daughter is coming downtown today to have lunch with me. Happy, happy mommy!