... as alanis would say

... ironic (or is it just tragic?)

I have love in my life. I am loved. I lust. I am lusted after. I love. I am in love. And yes, I believe loving someone and being in love are two totally different things and I feel both of them, separately. The problem (and where the irony/tragedy of it all comes in) is that none of these loves, lusts, people are the same.

When you look at it on paper, it all looks good doesn't it? But when you do the math it just doesn't work out in Kelly's favour. Wouldnt it be superb if who I loved, who I am in love with, who I lust after and who lusts after me, loves me were all one in the same? It all comes down to timing I think and mine is off. Way off. =)

Could you all just get it together? Or maybe I should? Dunno. Anyways,

Rats. =)

... extra long weekend

Wasn't that rain amazing last night? I was lucky enough to be listening to it beside an open door hitting the water in the harbour. As much as I would like the summer weather to start, I would not have traded that rain last night for anything.

This is my last day of work until Wednesday. I took an extra day and am going to make it a 'me' weekend. I want to read, walk, get a little exercise and wind down. Other than Canada day celebrations and a bbq at the house on Sunday night, I am going to stay close to home and look after myself.

Nothing much to write today, I am happy, and feeling content. Hope you all have a fantastic Canada Day long weekend.

Much love,
Kelly

... kissing ...

Could you please put your hand on the back of my neck ...
pull me around and close to your face ...
close enough to smell your peppermint gum ...
long enough to look into your kind eyes ...
and to remember just how long it has been since you really kissed me ...

... good to know ...

Kelly with too much overtime + no dinner + a view of the ocean + a few too many glasses of wine + good company = kelly spilling all her secrets!

Yikes! Way to go Oilers Fan. You owe me about 1000 secrets!

... Happy Birthday Megan...

This is a pic of my daughter and her boyfriend Jordan... ah to be eighteen and in love!

Everyone send my daughter Megan some love for her eighteenth birthday!

Love you girl!

So fellow bloggers, readers, fans, loved ones and passersby... I think we should give my young baby girl some pearls of wisdom for her eighteenth... ready, set, GO!!!

.... dancing ...

Here is my daughter and me looking like goofs!

Thanks for this link Miss Marf... to see Miss Marf's dancing click here.

Click hereto make your own!

... sending nerdgirl some love ...

Hey you. You know who you are ... family, friends, fellow bloggers... you're reading this thing, I know you are... send me some love via the comments section! Anonymously if you like...

have a good day,
k

on happiness

I read an article in the Globe today called 'Are you Happy?'.

Well readers - are you?

When asked, the answer to that question for me is a genuine yes.

I like my life. I have a wonderful family, a beautiful daughter, incredible lifelong friendships, amazing new friends, a job that challenges me, and I am fairly sure I am a good human being (as I've said before - flawed, severly flawed) but a desire to be good, better ...

... indeed I have all the necessary items to be able to say that I am genuinely happy.

Does this mean that I do not have hurt in my life? Of course I do. I have anxiety and stress. I have longings that go unfulfilled. I have days where I am unsure of myself and my place in the world. Some days I do not know my purpose and if I should even have one other than enjoying my life.

And there is pain, plenty of it. These things, I am told, are a part of life.

Something I've learned along the way is that it is the moments, the single snapshots of your day/life that add up to make it a good life. My mom is a great proponent of doing what you need to do in the moment to make yourself happy.

Looking back on those crazy moments when I feel insane with hurt or am so stressed I cannot see a way out and I dont know what to do I recognize that I have the power in those moments to say to myself "What do I need right NOW to make me happy in this moment" and to take the results of that question and proactively seek out that happiness. When I dont do that for myself, I have nobody to blame but myself.

It is hard mantra to follow in certain [most? some? =))]situations and I fail miserably sometimes [often, always, never, sometimes =)))] (nice try Kel, more like OFTEN!) ... But I do recognize that I have the power in my own hands to be happy, to enjoy my life and to be in charge of making the choice to be happy. It is just that, a decision.

One of the lines in the article reads (and hits home with me):

"The state of the world is often annoying. But maybe you've been too busy channelling positive energy to notice. Freud certainly wasn't. The father of modern psychology thought that humans weren't meant to feel consistently happy, since "all the regulations of the universe run counter to it." And yet somewhere along the line we forgot Freud and embraced Tony Robbins."

it goes on to say:

"The problem with the culture of incessant happiness is that it's one of the things that drives social dissatisfaction, you're asked to take yourself as a constant self-improvement, and frankly this never ending quest is exhausting."

I'd be interested to 'hear' your opinions on this subject. Those two paragraphs hit home, then they didn't then I went back around again. Doesn't matter. What do you think??

feeling nostalgic

Today Finn wrote a post about the awesome storms in the Toronto area .... her post made me a little weepy ...

Do you miss the summer storms in Toronto as much as I do?

I wish I could jump on a plane and escape with you for a few days - would it help our weird little world make more sense or would it make it that much more confusing?

Yes, readers, I know you dont understand this post ... another one for me! =)

=(

I am not feeling quite right.

Not sure what the problem is exactly.

Wednesday night I fell asleep watching Coronation Street and when I woke up on the couch around midnight I went straight up to bed... I woke up in the morning feeling like I had not slept at all...

Last night I was still feeling tired so I just plopped down on my bed in my work clothes for a quick second and did not wake up until 7:30 this morning.

I dont feel sick. I feel exhausted. Completely and totally exhausted.

It takes all my energy to lift myself out of my chair to walk to the printer this morning.

my first triathlon ...

Now this is a great idea for a wussy like me! A triathlon with shortened distances in WARM water.

MARF: ANY CHANCE IN "H" "E" "Double Hockey Sticks" you'd do this with me???????????

I thought of you instantly with your whole "Epiphany" thing going on!

because i love nerdy socks ...

This morning mine read:

... you break my heart you buy it ...

And yes, I think that is reasonable.

on change

Someone else's line:

"time and circumstance will alter just about everything ... "

Is this true?

If you truly love someone ... unconditionally, completely, without reserve ... can time and circumstance really alter it?

Should time and circumstance be able to?

dont take anyone or anything for granted ... unless you are comfortable with regrets

I cannot take credit for this one ... but read it on a card and loved it. Thought I'd share:

Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration.

Like a humingbird, we aspire to hover and savour each moment as it passes, embrace all that life has to offer and to celebrate the joy of everday.

The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that

life is rich,

beauty is everywhere,

every personal connection has meaning;

and that laugher is life's sweetest creation.

Do not take the beauty of what is in front of you for granted.

gullible

I am far too gullible. Apparently need is on an 'per situation' basis ...

on being a sloth ...

Ok, so I have bad eating habits. We've been through that. Not going to change right now.

The main problem is that I am getting no exercise.

None.

I go through stages. Its all or nothing. Hm. Actually. It is all or nothing for me with a lot of things ... but thats a whole other blog.

Anyways, decided not sloth time anymore... ITS.BIKINI.SEASON!

Last night I put on the blades (thanks again for those Val) out the door, down Main Street through the bowels of Chinatown ... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ... downhill ... over to Science World ... oh oh we're flattening out ... visited the ocean (on a bench), watched dragon boat practices THEN headed BACK UP MAIN Street.

Just try and guess what the fun part of my skate was ... notice there was no wheeeeeeee on the heading back UP Main Street part ... tee hee. asthma attack in front of Foundation ... other than that... I'm on my way. I may be pushing 40 but this is going to be one hot bod for the summer!

So anyways, stay tuned ...t he chronicles of a Recovering Sloth to be continued!

looking at things a different way ...

I generally consider myself to be non-judgmental. I understand that people conduct their relationships according to their own set of circumstances, they rear their children based on their own beliefs and make their way in the world looking through their own unique set of eyes. I cannot always bring myself to see through their eyes and cannot always know their circumstances but I understand that those things influence other people's actions.

*** SIDE NOTE *** I am unsure where I am going with this post, I just need to work some stuff out, so bear with me...

I have a friend who was in a loving relationship with someone for eight years. She met someone else shortly after they split but remained in love with her ex. I could not understand at the time how she could have a relationship with someone else and be in love with her ex all at the same time. I could not wrap my brain around it. Quite frankly, I did not want to. This situation reminds me of my post on the subject of the "one". I think now, and of course I dont know for sure, that she wanted to move forward, meet someone new and truly fall in love again. She did not want to be alone and knew those past feelings weren't going to just float away because she wished it so.

I have a lot of trouble letting people in. Friends and lovers alike ... but once you are in, you're in. I'll bake for you when you are sad, I'll stand in front of you when the fire is too hot, I'll bury the bodies as needed and hold your hand when someone else breaks your heart. I'll be behind you even when I know you are making horrible decisions and I will be there to hold your hand when those decisions prove disasterous. I will be fiercely protective of you. You will absolutely know you have someone in your corner.

So ... getting to the point. I was awake at 1 a.m., 2 a.m., 3 a.m. and four ... you get the idea. The question rearing its ugly insomniac head was "What does it feel like to be loved by me? Really and truly loved? Unconditionally. Without reserve? Is it a good feeling? A burden? What?

Thats it, I am blocked after this... or maybe I do not want to share further ... and I am aware this entry has no flow, possibly makes no sense at all and jumps from one subject to another ... but its my blog and its what I wanted to write today.

what classic dame would you be?

So Marf had this fun little test on her blog today.



My results were this:







You scored 16% grit, 19% wit, 52% flair, and 26% class!
You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

I.WANT.These.SeRiOuSLy

PLEASE.

guilty pleasures

Click here to see my new favourite bad habit.

I love this show.

Love.it.LOve.It.LOVE.IT.

Dont judge me. Just love me.

my favourite flower

... funny ...

Saw a button today:

"God was my copilot but we crashed and I had to eat him!"

tee hee

on infatuation ...

I have been thinking a lot about infatuation and love.

Wikipedia says:

Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of relationship when sexual attraction is central. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another.

Love is a constellation of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness.[1] The meaning of love varies relative to context. Romantic love is seen as an ineffable feeling of intense attraction shared in passionate or intimate attraction and intimate interpersonal and sexual relationships.[2] Love can also be construed as Platonic love,[3] religious love,[4] familial love, and, more casually, great affection for anything considered strongly pleasurable, desirable, or preferred, to include activities and foods.[5][2] This diverse range of meanings in the singular word love is often contrasted with the plurality of Greek words for love, reflecting the concept's depth, versatility, and complexity.

How many people have really been in love?

Real love. Selfless love. Unconditional love.

I have that kind of love for my daughter. She is the love of my life. My heart. It is easy to love her that way. The minute she was conceived I felt it. I know without a doubt that anything she may say or do - I can love her through it. It is not possible for my heart to feel any other way about her. It is what it is.

Is it possible to have it for another human being that you did not give birth to?

I think so, but it is rare.

I have a beautiful friend. I love him unconditionally. We have known each other since we were 14. We have been partners, lovers, friends. We moved across the country and back and are now best friends. We have experienced fantastic adventures, love, friendship, understanding, incredible happiness and contentment, fights, impatience, anger, hurt, misunderstandings, betrayal and loss. We have come out the other side firmly in each other's lives.

I love him. Truly love him.

Infatuation it is not.

I am aware of who he really is. Underneath the charming exterior and the pretty face there is a real person with faults and problems and a big heart. He shares his family with me. He shares his free spirit with me. I love that he tells me secrets. I love that he shares the real person inside. I love that he is not afraid to show me who he really is. I love that he trusts me to love him.

He knows me inside and out. He remembers me as a young girl, knows the experiences that led me to the woman I am, and knows the faults that make me human. He loves me in spite of who I am and in spite of who I cannot be.

We continue to battle it out as friends and I know we always will.

Thanks Cheek.