Wednesday, June 13, 2007

looking at things a different way ...

I generally consider myself to be non-judgmental. I understand that people conduct their relationships according to their own set of circumstances, they rear their children based on their own beliefs and make their way in the world looking through their own unique set of eyes. I cannot always bring myself to see through their eyes and cannot always know their circumstances but I understand that those things influence other people's actions.

*** SIDE NOTE *** I am unsure where I am going with this post, I just need to work some stuff out, so bear with me...

I have a friend who was in a loving relationship with someone for eight years. She met someone else shortly after they split but remained in love with her ex. I could not understand at the time how she could have a relationship with someone else and be in love with her ex all at the same time. I could not wrap my brain around it. Quite frankly, I did not want to. This situation reminds me of
my post on the subject of the "one". I think now, and of course I dont know for sure, that she wanted to move forward, meet someone new and truly fall in love again. She did not want to be alone and knew those past feelings weren't going to just float away because she wished it so.

I have a lot of trouble letting people in. Friends and lovers alike ... but once you are in, you're in. I'll bake for you when you are sad, I'll stand in front of you when the fire is too hot, I'll bury the bodies as needed and hold your hand when someone else breaks your heart. I'll be behind you even when I know you are making horrible decisions and I will be there to hold your hand when those decisions prove disasterous. I will be fiercely protective of you. You will absolutely know you have someone in your corner.

So ... getting to the point. I was awake at 1 a.m., 2 a.m., 3 a.m. and four ... you get the idea. The question rearing its ugly insomniac head was "What does it feel like to be loved by me? Really and truly loved? Unconditionally. Without reserve? Is it a good feeling? A burden? What?

Thats it, I am blocked after this... or maybe I do not want to share further ... and I am aware this entry has no flow, possibly makes no sense at all and jumps from one subject to another ... but its my blog and its what I wanted to write today.


Tbone said...

You can be in love with someone and still have a relationship with another...I think bc each person you meet reveals a dif piece of you each time. It is a great feeling to be loved...and it great to love, but I don't know how we would ever know what it feels like for others to feel our love...that is a tough one.


oh you... that was YOUR own post you were looking for? That is SO you.

Well, I know that I'm in there! Cus you treat me exactly the way you outlined here that you would someone who is. I like it, and it's awesome.