Friday, March 30, 2007

gratitude for my friend

thank you chico

thank you for knowing me as well as you do and loving me anyways...

thank you for your text last night ... just knowing you care makes it all simmer down ...

may you get back ten thousand times as much love in your life as you give out.


.... and may you get ten thousand spankings for that devious, very male side of you... the good kind of spankings! =)))))

Thursday, March 29, 2007

honesty and integrity

******edit/addition******* Please tell me what you think in the comments... I am genuinely curious ...

See Chico's comments on the movie here (very bad boy):

nurture vs. nature

as in ...

for me: is it my nature to be 'sensitive' ... 'sensitive' in the good way and/or overly 'sensitive' in the bad way ...

or good deeds/bad deeds?

My question of the day:

Is one born good (or bad) as the case may be?

This question stems from watching Blood Diamond last night.

I watched just over half of it. My heart was pounding so fast and the tears were threatening to break away and I just wasn't enjoying it. I am sensitive. Dammit. It kills me to think of the atrocities that human beings inflict on one another and it amazes me to see what one can live through, survive, pull themselves and their families through and move forward and live in the face of events that one would not want to live through. It shames me to think of the things I claim to not be able to handle in my own life. Do any of us know know real tragedy, pain or loss? In the truest sense?

My point/question stems from this scenario in the movie:

Leonardo's character: "Just tell them you are the cameraman and they will let you on the plane."

Djimon Housoun's character: "I cannot."

L: "Why"

D: "Because I am not a cameraman."

Simple. He cannot say it because it is a lie. It doesn't matter that it was for all the right reasons, for the greater good... he ends up doing it but is genuinely confounded by the idea of the simple lie.

Was this man and others like him born this way? Was this honest way of living created through his belief system, the way he was brought up or incidents in his life that made him choose to be good???

In quite the opposite scenario does someone who does the wrong thing choose wrong or is it as simple as it being in your nature to act one way or another? Are the good ones, just choosing to be good and therefore their instincts, or the first thoughts in their minds not naturally leaning in the right direction?? Do they do good because they choose too?

I really wish I hadn't started thinking about this... too many questions. Lets just go back to the Victoria's Secret supermodels instead! =)

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

and more proof (as if you needed any) that i am a total loser

Me and Meg standing in Chapters:


Dutiful daughter - rushing over... "what mama, what?"

"FINGER PUPPETS!" "Greatest writers of all time, FINGER PUPPETS!"

"Finger puppets?" *See eyeroll combined with pulling hair over her face trying to hide the fact she is with me.*

"Tolstoy, Shakespeare, Virginia Wolfe and Charles Dickens!!!!!!!!!! They are magnetic! It says right here on the box -"You can put them on your fridge when the show's over!!" "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Mama, you're nuts."

"Possibly, but I. WANT. THEM."

*Suddenly the child reels in her laughter and get serious for a second ...* "Mama, maybe you should think about it and wait for payday." "You may not think these are so great tomorrow." *Snicker, snicker*

"Maybe, but how much do you think would be tooooo much for finger puppets. Seriously." *Both of us close to tears now ...*

"Seriously. Like as if I would suddenly have the need for finger puppets .... ok, fine I wouldn't pay more than 25.00 bucks!"

"HA, they are 24.00!"

And that was it ... we started laughing so hard we had to leave the store ...

Minutes later ... sitting at my desk... dreaming of finger puppets ... dammit... I should have bought them!

another version of tell me a secret ...

This is mine ... apparently ... the test is ACCURATE! =)
How do YOU sleep?
Take the test and tell me in the comments what your result was ... enquiring minds want to know!!!!
ps... I probably shouldn't tell YOU this ... but I have a sitemeter so will know if you visited and did not spill the beans... =)))

Monday, March 26, 2007

about lasting power ...

Because Every Second Counts eh Chico??

about the weekend ...

Some of the best laid plans never come to fruition ... and that is always when you have the best weekend ...

Thursday ... Homemade spaghetti dinner for Chico ... damn I'm a good cook! One dinner down, ten to go. (I owe him BIG TIME!)

Friday ... drinks at Ceilis ... blondie, you didn't show up (am I ever going to meet the new man??) ... I love you anyways ... but Chico, Jasmine, her honey Steve and I ended up at LaBodega with a pitcher of Sangria and a heck of a lot of great food! God that waitress had the BEST eyebrows ... sorry Chico for discussing her fabulous eyebrows with her... she didn't seem to mind! Just be glad Jasmine and I didn't drag her into the bathroom for further inspection! =))))

Saturday ... What art show? Who's unreliable now? Sheesh, I suck. Sorry Heidi. Ended up with cramps and decided to hunker in with Chico, t.v. dinner and BORAT! Who knew they made rubber fists... ugh. I am so LAME!

Sunday, McDonalds for breakfast, the remainder of Borat, some Coronation Street... no wonder Chico and I are still single!

I did, however, get outside in the beautiful sunshine for a (short) run. It was a beautiful afternoon.

Friday, March 23, 2007

the weekend ...

... and a song by Incubus

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive

This weekend:

Happy Hour drinks tonite at Ceilis with two beautiful pals and their boyfriends - and, of course, Chico!

... tomorrow - art show at Lugz with my new friend Heidi...

and Sunday ... RELAXING ... (I should really go for a run - but will I?) =)

... could it look any better?

Happy rainy Friday everyone!

Megan. Keep safe this weekend. I am always thinking of you. Mama. xoxo

on withdrawals

Rye toast for breakfast.

'Nuff said.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

will you marry me? ... this is what pms does to a normally sane woman ...

Email conversation ... poor Chico:

will you marry me?

Right now ???

... or tomorrow. this weekend maybe?

I thought you didn't want to get married.

I dont want to get regular married, like normal people. I want to marry

OK.......not "regular married "so what kind of marriage are you proposing
here lady ??? You still get to date pretty women ????

So can you.

So we're living together, I get home cooked meals, and we both get to date
other people....hmmmmm, sounds like a great idea....1 or 2 bedrooms ??

Two but I get to snuggle.

he decides to call:

Cue Chico's nervous laugh:

Whatcha' doing?

Working. So can we?

Someday. Later.

Someday? Ok when?

More nervous laughter....

Not right now... terror level is going up to orange ... and lay off the cough syrup Lady.

Dont say I never asked!

my homeless guy

Since August I have faithfully stood in line every workday morning at the McDonalds at Library Square to purchase my first love ... the "McGriddle". Like Jasmine, I am an odd creature of habit and this is my morning one - McGriddles, two glasses of water and my vitamins. *Sigh* I wish this was my only little 'routine'!

(You can all chastise me via the comments section on my poor eating habits, or alternatively, tell me how sexy I look despite the little McGriddles problem. I would prefer (and encourage) the latter!)

This particular McDonalds is always full of homeless guys. They receive vouchers from the government for their breakfasts. And because it is an everyday thing (seriously everyday) I've gotten to chitchatting with them once in awhile.

Anyways, back to my story.

About two weeks ago in the lineup my phone started singing to me because someone I know was texting me a lovely good morning message (*smile*) and one of the younger guys asked me if I wanted a cellphone case for my pretty little phone. Ok, he didn't say pretty, I made that up. But it is pretty. Thank you very much Chico for my pretty phone, it is now an opening line for me to meet homeless boys.

ANYWAYS. He said he got rid of his phone (how he could afford this one I dont know) and could he please give me the case he used for his. Sure, yes, thank you very much! Wow, that is very generous ... etc. etc. etc.

He seemed very pleased with himself and I left McDonalds wondering how such a young, not terribly bad looking guy ends up homeless, hanging out at McDonalds using vouchers for breakfast. I could hazard a guess but will leave it at that.

ANYWAYS. I love writing that. Lets see how many times I can write ANYWAYS in this entry ...


I have not seen him since.

I literally (I use this word to make Chico's teeth itch) saw him every day for months and now no sight of him for almost two weeks. Two people actually decided that the little bubble I live in should be burst and told me that maybe he was giving away all his worldly belongings so that he could - well, dammit I wont even write that - it made me sad!

So I started asking around about him today. Picture this - me all dressed pretty for work - enquiring as to the whereabouts of some young homeless guy - well, if that isn't a conversation starter for thirty homeless guys, nothing is. Everybody had an idea or a suggestion on how I could track down this guy. GEEZ, I just wanted to buy him breakfast, not marry him! =)

ANYWAYS (this is the last one). Word on the street (literally!) is that he got his own place! That is so great. I hope this means he has found work. I am so very, very pleased to hear that he is off the streets. Kudos to you young homeless guy. That made me smile this morning.

That and the fact that I can now call about thirty other homeless guys of various ages my friend. No one's going to mess with me at Library Square! ha!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

what are friends for if not to keep track of your period ...

and mood swings...

Conversation with Chico:

"Chico, I think I'm PMSing. I really should keep better track of these things ... Or someone should!"


"I do. I keep a database and base it on the U.S. model of the terror level threshold ..."

" ... threat level is at yellow right now."

*Sigh* good to know I am not just crazy today, I have an excuse.


I just got it.

First day of Spring.

I was wondering what was wrong with me. ****MOM READ NO FURTHER! =) Things you dont want to know! =) ****

This week (and most of last week actually) everything that anyone says to me or shows me can somehow or another be related to SEX. Not that this is a bad thing.

I thought I was just, you know, getting at that age....

But that is not it at all.

It must be Spring Fever.

Well hello Spring Fever. Nice to see you again. =)

Everybody say hello to Spring Fever. Hope you are enjoying her as much as I am.

Doesn't Spring Fever make everyone in the world that much prettier!


first day of spring!

Happy First Day of Spring!

Because it is the first day of Spring I am going to sit back and assume that the universe is going to take care of things the way they should be taken care of ...

I am going to hope that it all just works out for the best.

I am going to assume that everything is as it should be and anything being decided today is being decided the way it is being decided for a reason.

Even if I do not understand.

Which I probably wont.

None of this makes sense and that is ok.

It does to me.


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

2 of 2 posts today - how come nobody ever accuses me of being cool?

I still cringe when I think back to Sunday afternoon.

I was with the *Oilers Fan* window shopping when I saw it. Sitting all pretty in the window of a used bookstore. The book of my dreams for 12.99!!!!

I run in, have a few moments with said book, stroking it, feeling it, loving it and squealing with delight. Feeling a little bit stupid I try to explain my loser behaviour to the *Oilers Fan*. My finding this book, for this price, is the equivalent of her finding a brand new *insert name of some stupid overpriced car here* for about 10 bucks!

You think I would have stopped there. But NOOOOOOOOOOOoooo sitting in her car - still giddy - I had to read her the first part of one of the short stories and tell her just how awesome the story was about some grandmother inventing steering wheel covers for her husband because she worried about him having a bad accident if his mittened hands slipped off the wheel of his car in the winter … the first covers for him were crocheted … aw so sweet and *sigh*, such a sweet love … blah blah blah … I blather on and on and on ...

… yes… you read that right… I read it, out loud.

I know you are thinking, it cannot get any worse, I have sunk to the loser depths of hell … there is no further down to go ... but wait a minute …

It gets worse.

I actually held the book up, took off the paper cover and hold up the hard cover prize I have found underneath and actually say “Wont this look pretty on my bookshelf, I have just the spot for it!”

As I type this, I just want to crawl under my desk in shame.

Yep, it is a wonder I have ever gotten any in my life.

For those of you who actually give a crap - I found:

the collected short stories of Carol Shields, in hardcover, for 12.99! 12.99! =)

I’m still smiling.

It is these little things that get you through the hard stuff.

And I am ok with being a loser.

1 of 2 posts today - Chico

I figured it out.

You are my constant.

We have been everything to each other and nothing. And all sorts of things inbetween.

We are still here, strong and together. My best friend. I do not know what I would do without you. You know me, all of it, the good and the bad - you love me anyways. I cannot believe you knew me when I was 14!

I love you and am thankful that you are in my life. The last few weeks you were so there. Even when you were in Toronto, you were THERE.

I would do anything for you my friend. I am so happy we came through it all.


Friday, March 16, 2007

this will drive you nuts!!!

The object of the game is to move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls.

If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal.

Give it a try but be is addictive!!

just another song

Today's Song:

Drift Away

Day after day I'm more confused
So I look for the light in the pouring rain
You know that's a game that I hate to lose
I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame
Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Oh, give me the beat, boys, and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

Beginning to think that I'm wastin' time
I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
I'm countin' on you to carry me through
And when my mind is free
You know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitar's comin' through to soothe me
Thanks for the joy that you've given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
Rhythm and rhyme and harmony
You help me along makin' me strong

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

just today stuff

today’s song: Make Up Your Mind – Theory of A Deadman - love this song

See Video here:

today’s smiles: nice plans for the weekend, carpets being cleaned today, figured out how to charge my music thingy and bought a new flat iron so I have fabulous hair today!!! =)))

today’s =(: chico left for Toronto - hope he has a great time though!

today’s stresses: the same =( but working on it. my heart is still a little heavy.

today’s weather: awesome!

today’s goal: visit the ocean again after work – did this yesterday and it was a great way to end my work day

today’s pet peeve: pointy shoe brigade that give you ‘the once over’ as you walk down the street – EXCUSE me for choosing comfort over beauty! =)))

Monday, March 12, 2007

coming up for air and thank you.

boys will be boys

My friend Chico pretty much didn't leave my side all weekend. He didn't make me talk about it, there was just an understanding that things are a bit tough and we go about our day ... Except for his mysterious Friday night outing to who knows where, with who knows who (that Johnny kid has always been trouble! haha) ... I/we keep that kind of stuff on a need-to-know basis ... other than that few hours there ... he was there. And I am so grateful.

Between him, my mom's unwavering support and an interesting Sunday outing, I feel completely taken care of! Thank you.

In his quest for making my face turn back into a smile Chico took me to Locus on Main for dinner on Saturday. He was very good about me arguing (again) about never being to Locus when, in fact, we had been ... my memory is good, just not so long ... =)

Sitting side by side at the bar having dinner I got a little mushy (who me??) and turned to him to put my face in his neck and give him a big hug to thank him for being there …

“Stop it. You’re making me frisky.”

“What? I’m just hugging you!”

Me being obnoxious – “Is it cuz I’m so pretty?” tee hee

“Yesssss.” – with eyeroll for emphasis.

More obnoxious - “You know I’m a pretty fantastic person too.”

“Yes, but its not your sparkling personality that gives me a boner.”


Wednesday, March 07, 2007

a short commercial break ...

Hi all.

My decision has been made and things are tough. I hope to never have to make this kind of decision again. It is a family issue that is not appropriate to write about and it feels wrong to be writing 'fun, entertaining entries' right now ...

It is not that I dont want to be positive, I absolutely am - and will continue to be - it just doesn't feel appropriate to be blogging right now.

So I am going to take a short break. =)

I will talk to you all soon. Really soon. Please keep writing because I am still reading.


this seems like a repeat but ...

its the small things that make me smile ...

Blue Rodeo on the computer this morning

just click on the left where it says 'radio' for Blue Rodeo all day long.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007


Tonite, overnight, sometime before 9:30 a.m., I have to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. I know that sounds dramatic.

It sounds it because it is.

May you never have to make a decision like this.

death of a loved one ...

She is gone.

Her name was Silky. She died yesterday. A sudden and traumatic death. I have only put the 'before' picture up because the 'after' ones are just too disturbing for my viewers.

She was $179. I know, a lot to pay for a 'beauty product' but she made my hair so pretty.

... I know this seems like a silly thing to write about right now ... but its the little things in life that keep you going and I miss Silky today.

I miss a lot of things. Seems to be the day for missing things.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Sunday, March 04, 2007


I want a vew things today.

I want a copy of this picture, framed nicely on my wall.

I want a couple of different situations to be different than they are.

I want the remainder of my life to stay the same and not slip out from underneath me for a little while. Just let me get my bearings and I'll be ready and raring to go! Actually, if someone could please point me in the direction of the do-it-yourself store that sells the non-slip flooring that will stay firmly attached to the bottom of my feet I will purchase the whole lot and get rid of the rugs that are so easily pulled out from underneath me. Seems like the simplest solution.

I want to eat the entire box of cupcakes that are sitting beside me ... yessssss, I was at that little store on Denman again ... talked MHM into buying me an entire box for me under the guise of sharing at least part of the box with Megan. Ya' right! Hard to type with my mouth full ... excuse me for a second ...

I want to go see my favourite band, Theory of A Deadman in Toronto on March 10 at the Mod Club.

Really bad.

Hopefully they will come back to Vancouver again soon ...
I am so happy for you that you are going though. I hope you have the time of your life.

Saturday, March 03, 2007


Here we are. In all our blessed phone camera glory. Megan is such a beauty. I am loving the purple hair. I want to hold her down, roll her up in bubble wrap and save her from this big bad world.

My pic? Well, honestly, that is my geeky version of sexy. Nice try eh?

Second try: Even worse. But I am here to entertain so here you go: =))

Meg and I had breakfast at Berts on Main. Yum.

I am now sitting at Lugz enjoying a chocolatey treat doing a little writing and updating nerdgirlsspace (obviously). My beauty is headed off to the burbs to do the things that teenagers do on a Saturday night. I have some solid plans for the evening that I am looking forward to("MHM"), my tummy is full of french toast, I am getting a new stainless steel fridge tomorrow and this city is gorgeous today, even in the rain.

but what i really need

is for you to please hold my hand.

I dont have to say it all out loud to you, you know I am frightened to death of doing it all wrong. I can sit and smile and be pretty and strong and you will just know that underneath it all I am a little scared ...

come hold my hand.

Friday, March 02, 2007

dooce read my mind last night!

Just last night Jasmine, Jenn and I were talking about our blogs (what else?). One of the many things we want to do is create our own websites and have a monthly 'Masthead' (see the top of Dooce's blog, that is a Masthead, hers changes every month)

And well, today, gollygeewhizzakers! Lookey there. If there ain't a do-it-yourself guide/tutorial for mastheads on Dooce's blog today.

he is just not that into you

Disclaimer No. 1: If you are in the middle of a break-up, think you may be about to break-up, are sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring, checking your email every forty seconds or anything of the like… do not read this today… =)

Today is not the day.

He Just Isn’t That Into You.

Remember that book? Well if you do not, look it up. Fun read. My friend Trisha received it last year from a friend to help her through a break-up. Trisha and I laughed like idiots reading the thing. Seriously, doubled over, tears down our face, laughing out loud at ourselves and all the things we recognized in the book to be OUR major dating mistakes. If you were a fly on the wall you would have heard us say (too many times for comfort) "Oh oh, fuck, shit, damn it to hell - I've done THAT a hundred times - oh oh, and that too... Oh crap, I have to buy ten cats now!"...

The book caused a major uproar! And not just with us. It hit the papers, talk show circuits and there were sightings of crying girls all over North America with that book in their hands.

The reason for the uproar – BECAUSE IT MADE SENSE. And no one has found it harder to realize this than me. =)

Disclaimer No. 2: This next paragraph is about no one specific. It is a mishmash of my friends, acquaintances, and my own past, present and probably future situations... just a bit of fun to remind us that we are all human when it comes to the big beautiful world of DATING ...

Barring extreme circumstances, if two people genuinely want to be together, they will find a way. If someone wants to see you, talk to you, and spend time with you – they will. If they cannot find time because of work, family or life circumstances they will text, email, call, send gifts, messages, flowers - he or she will let you know how they feel in other ways. They will do anything in their power to make sure you do not slip through their fingers while they are taking care of other things (right??).

The problem is, and we’ve all been guilty of it, we get our hopes up, don’t listen to what we are really being told and make excuses for why something just isn’t happening just to allow ourselves to hope for a little longer.

If you tell someone you love them and the response is “Thank you”. He or she did not misunderstand or mishear you; they just do not feel the same way. If you are at home waiting by the phone and thinking the damn phone doesn't work because the ‘one’ hasn’t called – go out, have some fun with your friends. Your phone is fine. If you tell someone you are going to miss them and the response is, “Wow, my day was busy, how was yours?” You are friends, as in friends in the way friends are friends not something else. =( If they say they want to be friends and you hang out all the time and enjoy it, enjoy that part of it and move on ... I know I sound harsh but you know what? These are all good things for us to know because while we were waiting at home for the phone to ring, or trying to 'work it out' for the hundredth time, maybe 'the one' was out having fun with his or her friends and we missed the perfect opportunity to get him or her to buy us our favourite drink! =)

Ask yourself - do you want the "one" buying some other cutie YOUR drink?

I think not.

i raised a kid who knows how to give a compliment!

It sure is nice to have Meg under my roof. And as if just having her there wasn't enough ...

as I am getting read for work this morning Meg rolls over on her bed and says:

"Mom, you are a 37 year old with the body of a 20 year old."

It would really be hard to wipe this smile off of my face today. Thanks honey.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

a second quick note today - miss honourable mention...

"Miss Honourable Mention". You had to ask to be mentioned last time...

this time you are here because you have helped me out so much - two days in a row! Thank you for the phone call(s) and some really fantastic advice regarding the kid thing.

a good morning starts with blue rodeo playing on my computer and a mcgriddle ... or two ...

just a couple of quick things this morning...

1. Meg is coming home to stay with me for awhile! Nothing is more important in my world than this. Yippee, happy mama.

Note to self - put away the books you pass off as 'short stories', the toys and well, other unmentionables! =)

2. I need a phone that vibrates just like that one. Please and thank you very much ... especially if I have to put the toys away.

3. Babel - good movie. Worth staying up late for. Cate Blanchett is still hot even with the blood oozing out of her neck and the little problem of peeing herself.

4. Tonite - a few women, a few teenage girls (mine included), some good food (thank you Jenn) and Grey's Anatomy. Perfection.

5. Sarnia sucks. =)